Pastor’s Pen: Sometimes I Wonder; Sometimes I Know

Moses’ life can be divided into spans of 40 years each: 40 as a royal, 40 as a shepherd and 40 as a leader. Sometimes I wonder about the 40 in the middle.

Did Moses wonder if that’s all there was to life? Did he give up on his dreams? Did he wonder why God placed him there? Did he think there was more but certain he would never achieve it? Sometimes I wonder; sometimes I know.

And what about Jeremiah preaching to the people telling them to repent and return to the Lord their God. As far as we know, he didn’t see a single convert. Did he ever get discouraged? Did he ever feel defeated? Did he ever wonder why God had him there? Did he ever want to just run away and start over? Sometimes I wonder; sometimes I know.

And what of David as he is pursued by Saul. He knows God anointed him to be the next king, yet here he is about to be killed. Was he ever scared? Did he ever think this may not work out? Did he think those aspirations would never come to pass? And later as his own son pursues him, did he question himself as a father? Did he know he should have done better? Did he think God had given up on him?

Sometimes I wonder; sometimes I know.

Sometimes I wonder what I’m certain they wondered. But sometimes I go to the throne of the One who made me. I look to Him and ask those same questions, come with those same fears and voice those same concerns.

Will God abandon me? Will He put me through pointless and meaningless years of life? Will my Father show me that He cares?

I can’t say I have received all the answers to my questions. I can’t say I’m never afraid. I can’t say I understand the why in every situation. But I can say that I trust my Father.

When doubt, bitterness, hopelessness, anger and uncertainty come my way; I know I can count on Him

 That’s something I don’t need to wonder about; it’s something that I know.