WHITNEY: A modern parent’s alphabet looks a bit silly
Mastering the ABC’s is a right of passage for any child, a mark of maturity, brains and adorability.
Memorizing the alphabet is equally important for parents, but less as a recitation skill and more as means of navigating modern-day parenting.
In his new book, “Q is for Quinoa: A Modern Parent's ABC” author Joel Rickett lays out the ABCs of how to parent today all while poking fun at the silliness of it all. In Rickett’s alphabet, D is for drama, I is for iPaddy, and E is for equipped (for everything).
No doubt we look a little crazy at times trying to cope with all. There are days when I look up from the day’s Pinterest-harvested recipe to see my daughter cozied up on the couch with my phone and think, “Was there something equally as ridiculous as this for parents of previous generations, or is my generation just especially awful?”
Let’s see. I’ll present my own parenting alphabet to you. You decide from there.
A is for acrobatics. Our living room often resembles the set of Cirque du Soleil with Olivia leaping from the furniture and forcing us into letting her ride us around.
B is for babysitters, a new concept mom and dad are embracing more to regain some semblance of their independence.
C is for compost, the science experiement in our backyard which Olivia loves to help “feed.”
D is for Daniel Tiger, the modern cartoon role model for kids who are very concerned about each other’s feelings.
E is for energy. She has it. I need more of it.
F is for Finger Family, the most annoying nursery rhyme ever. With more than a million iterations on YouTube, our daughter can play it for an entire day.
G is for Go-Go Squeeze, her favorite snack as evidenced by the empty packaging strewn around the living room.
H is for hide. In the closet. Under a blanket. Behind the table. In the middle of a rack of dresses at JC Penney, where she can’t respond to her mom frantically shouting her name.
I is for intensity. Toddlers are the embodiment of the concept.
J is for Jim Crees, who Olivia believes lives at the Pioneer office and exists only to give her cookies.
K is for the last letter of the alphabet Olivia can recite without completely going off the rails.
L, M, N, O, P is the correct pronunciation, honey. It’s not “ella menno peep.”
Q is for Q, not cute. We have a lot of work to do on the alphabet song.
R is for repeat. Toddlers love to do the same thing over and over and over and … oh, we’re back at A?
S is for screen-time limitations.
T is for tantrums, usually thrown when we enforce S. It’s also for time out.
U is for ultimatum, as in “Hand over the phone or you’re going to time out.”
V is for vaccinations. Let’s not debate it. Keep your kids up-to-date. Don’t poison the herd.
W is for walk. On her own in the store, unassisted down the street. Always walking, never riding. She can do it on her own.
X is for xylophone, because no one knows anything else that starts with X.
Y is for “yet,” the word my daughter confuses with “ever.” Her use: Mommy not leave yet. No jammies yet. Not sleep yet.
Z is for zzzzzz. Sleep. I hope to do it again one day.