JIM CREES: Soccer is for liberals?
The crazies on the Rabid Right have found their Summer 2014 cause de jour.
First, let me point out that when I refer to the Rabid Right I am not referring to everyone who is leaning to the right or even balanced firmly on that side of the political scale.
I mean the nutjob right, so don’t get your shorts in a bunch. (And, yes. There is a nutjob left as well.)
The crazies on the extreme right have decided that we — all of us — are paying far, Far, FAR too much attention to soccer.
IT IS UNAMERICAN how much attention is being paid to soccer by erstwhile Americans.
A few morons are bent completely out of shape that so much attention is being paid to the most popular sport on the planet ... and it ISN’T what anyone would call “an American sport.”
Now, before moving on, allow me to point out that I’m not a huge fan of soccer. Don’t necessarily enjoy it; don’t watch it.
By that same token, however, I’m not a big fan of basketball. Quite honestly, I could care less about the Final Four or the NBA finals.
I hesitate to say, but I don’t get too fired up by hockey either.
I don’t see anything wrong with these games. I just don’t care that much for most organized sports.
I do enjoy an afternoon or evening at a baseball game.
In short, I’m not here to defend the game of soccer from it’s detractors.
I am, however, scratching my head as I write this and wondering what the heck Ann Coulter and others of her ilk have had to drink lately?
She, and a few other right-wing commentators, have simply flipped out over the World Cup soccer tournament being held in Brazil.
Not because it is a huge waste of stunning amounts of money in a country that has an incredible number of people living in abject poverty.
That doesn’t matter.
What matters is that soccer is simply not American. It is unpatriotic, and it is immoral, socialistic and not manly ... even mildly effeminate.
In fine, soccer is not a REAL sport that should be played or enjoyed by REAL Americans.
Or so they say.
“Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation’s moral decay,” wrote Coulter in a column decrying anything even slightly connected to the sport.
And then ...
“If more ‘Americans’ are watching soccer today, it’s only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy’s 1965 immigration law.
“I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.”
To Coulter, soccer is a foreign threat.
Billions of people who don’t speak English, (and who may be of color), are crazy about the game, and that is reason enough for REAL Americans to steer clear of anything resembling soccer
And, she cried, they use the metric system.
THE METRIC SYSTEM!!!
“Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it’s European,” she wrote. “
Naturally, the metric system emerged from the French Revolution, during the brief intervals when they weren’t committing mass murder by guillotine.
“Liberals get angry and tell us that the metric system is more ‘rational’ than the measurements everyone understands. This is ridiculous. An inch is the width of a man’s thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the length of his belt. That’s easy to visualize. How do you visualize 147.2 centimetres?”
Oh. My. God.
I’ll betcha people who enjoy soccer also use the New International Version of the Bible, and not the King James Version.
And soccer is from, and for liberals.
“The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO’s “Girls,” light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton,” Coulter opines. “The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is “catching on” is exceeded only by the ones pretending women’s basketball is fascinating.”
So, for all the Ann Coulter admirers out there, let me suggest an end to the silliness.
Soccer is soccer. That’s all it is — a game. It is not some symptom of political depravity or moral decay.
It’s a game that more kids can play and play well than they can American football.
It’s a game. It is not a measure of your patriotism.
And in addition ... the metric system is the metric system. It is just a form of measurement. It is not a harbinger of some New World Order.
It is the way people measure boards, lawns, and distance in a HUGE part of the world.
The metric system neither measures, not is a measure of your patriotism.
Oh, and by the way, the King James Version of the Bible is simply another translation of Holy Writ.
Another one. Not the only one.