JIM CREES: Got an STD? Blame a liberal!

OK. I admit it.

I’m probably not as smart, nor am I as articulate or erudite as Phil Robertson — the Duck Dynasty paterfamilia.

Thankfully, I believe I’m a bit more tolerant than this pseudo-redneck. (I say pseudo-redneck ‘cause while Phil spends a lot of time cultivating his shuckin’ and jivin’ image, fact is he attended Louisiana Tech University and has a master’s degree in education. He spent a number of years teaching before he made a fortune in the duck call business, for which he has created the good ol’ boy personna.)

Whatever the case, Phil is ... a character. A somewhat hateful, mean-spirited character who plucks the heartstrings of the anti-gay, South-will-rise-again, community.

Let’s be honest.

In the not too recent past, Robertson suggested that African Americans were actually better off during the Jim Crow era — before the Civil Rights movement.

In a Gentleman Quarterly interview he sagely pointed out that in the pre-Civil Rights era, “They’re singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’ — not a word.

“Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare. You say: Were they happy? They were godly. They were happy. No one was singing the blues.”

Yessir, Phil.

“They” were ... happy?

Sitting at segregated lunch counters? Drinking from separated water fountains? Not being able to vote, and being lynched if they tried to do so?

You betcha.

Happy! Happy! Happy!

And then ... there are Phil’s incredibly moronic comments on gays.

Sigh. We’ll just move on.

In a recent sermon at his home church in West Monroe, Louisiana, Elder Phil told parishioners not only how not to catch a sexually transmitted disease (STD) but also who was responsible for the spread of such diseases.

If, he said, you have “biblically correct sex” you will not have or get a STD ... ever!

Yowzah!

“Biblically correct sex is safe,” he preached “It’s safe. You’re not going to get chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, AIDS.”

Now, truth be known, Phil was most likely referring to his version of “biblically correct sex” — one man and one woman forever (as long as one of them didn’t pick up some little germ critter in an earlier period in life).

Phil considers “biblically correct sex” to be heterosexual and monogamous.

That’s fine ... I guess. You can believe what you wish, but what about ... say ... um ... an infected blood transfusion? Sure, it’s rare, but it happens.

Luckily (and putting all science and logic aside) Phil has also identified the source of all this STD illness and suffering.

Steady. Steady. Get ready for it ...

The spread of STDs in the U.S. and around the globe is a direct result of “orthodox liberal opinion.”

It’s those pesky liberals who are spreading “so many terrible, debilitating diseases” all over the U.S.

Conservatives, according to Robertson’s logic, have a tight rein on themselves and their collective libidos.

Liberals, however, are simply scurry about the nation breeding “... anything and anybody. Just have at it. Go for it. Don’t be … shackled and live a life of restraint before God Almighty.”

Really??!!??

Seriously.

Do we have to start bringing out the evidence that so-called conservative Christians are just as “weak in the flesh” as are the supposed hedonist liberals.

The easiest thing in the world is to stand behind a pulpit and declare to the pews that liberals are the “spawn of Satan.”

But Jesus addressed this very issue.

“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

“Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

“Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” — Matthew 7:3-5

But ... since Elder Phil doesn’t seem to know his Bible all that well, he might want to heed the words of fellow TV star Alex Trebek, “It’s very important in life to know when to shut up. You should not be afraid of silence.”